I made the decision within 24 hours that I loved my husband and that I was willing to let him try to redeem himself and take us back to some semblance of the way we were. I initially told him that I wanted a divorce but backed down within minutes when I realized, despite what he had down, that I have always and still do, love him with ever bit of my being. Love isn't a faucet that you can shut off just because you want too. Hate and Anger are extensions of love because the absence of love is the absence of feeling for a person, and that is inclusive of hate and anger. In other words, if I didn't love my husband, I wouldn't feel anger or hatred, I'd probably feel relief.
I would think that would apply to your wife. AND apply to your feelngs for what you've done. If you didn't love your wife, you wouldn't feel the way you do. Oh, you might feel some passing regret that you hurt another human, but not the extent of the guilt and pain that you are expressing.
Take me as your example and TELL HER that you are aware you've created the questions and the doubt, and that you are willing to do whatever it is that SHE wants you to do in order to make things right. AND DO THEM.
From my little corner of the world that would mean an honest assessment of who, what, where, when, why and how so that no further questions were left. But, you probably know your wife better than me (despite the similiar situation), but me... I know that I can't possibly hurt anymore than I hurt right at this moment, and I'd rather get the entire thing NOW rather than think I'm on the road to recovery and find out new crap a year from now.
