Your anguish right now is normal and will ultimately be beneficial. I know that it doesn't seem that way right now, but your pain is changing you into a better person. Use this time to find other ways to work on yourself.
From your references to prayer, I assume that you are a religious person. Have you consulted your religious leader for guidance? As a Christian, I believe that Christ forgives our sins when we repent, as you clearly are doing.
Your W definitely needs time and space right now, but that doesn't mean that you can't find ways to show her how much you love her. Taking care of financial things, loving your children, and responding quickly to any requests of hers are the primary things right now.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
