First of all, you did a terrible thing, something that those of us on the other side of things consider one of the worst that can be done to someone. Now that you have realized your error in judgment, you can start to help yourself and maybe your marriage. The most important thing, and this is NOT always the case with WAS/cheaters is that you KNOW it was wrong, and it's over. You seem willing to do what it takes to mend what you have HELPED to break. That's the next thing. You did most of the damage, but there was already something going on in your M that also contributed to it's demise BEFORE the affair. There are very few cases where a spouse strays in a vacuum, or in other words, if the marriage was that good for both of you, then you would not have done what you did. THIS is why it takes time. Not only do you have to repair this wound, you will then need to make sure that you don't go back to the same marriage that led to one or both of you being unhappy. Right now, you begin to understand that you can't control her or make her forgive you. You can only start healing yourself and make yourself available to her when she decides it may be time to hear you again. I would also suggest the usual reading list: Surviving Infidelity and DB/DR. Those books should be read and understood asap. They can help you understand what your W is going through and give you some tools you can use to begin the process of building a NEW marriage. Realize that you ARE doing the right thing now. Patience is the key beyond accepting responsibility for what you've done. We are all human and you are just a lot more human than you'd like to be right now. Read the books, post here, and help you will find. There are others here who are in the same boat and they will help you find your way. Those of us who have been on the receiving end will also be able to give you insight as to what your W is going through. You have but to ask. I wish you well, and if nothing else, try to take care of yourself. You need to be strong right now.
