Imdi, Thank you. Believe me, I’m doing my best not to backslide, but it’s so hard. I’ll tell you something that you might find very weird. When I left to go see my family a week ago I had had that interaction/argument with H. and the last thing I asked him as he left our house was, “Are we going to sit down and talk about mediating?” The look on his face was terror, but he nodded in agreement and left. I spent 3 days very upset but convincing myself that he had reached the point that he wanted this to be over, and I needed to accept it. When I got back, I felt ready to face it. But then he backtracked on it and if you’ve read my long posts from last weekend, you know how he dropped lines at me like, “I’m not ready to come back home yet.” And so now I’m in limbo again, I guess? My choice, yes, because I could end this, too. But that’s not why I’m here. My point is that it’s frustrating. If we can possibly save our marriage, yes, I want to stand for it right now, but it’s excruciating. I have tried to pick up some alternative things to occupy my time and help me improve myself so that either way, I’ll be ok.
Re: the tanning, yikes. I am not planning to go that often, but that is scary! I don’t even remember reading any kind of warning about the beds causing skin cancer.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
