Journaling today: Not expecting to see H. today or talk with him, unless he makes contact. I am looking into something after work today; something for me. I’m trying to take the focus off H. again and put it back on myself even though it is so hard when he’s telling me that he’s ending things with o.w. and that he’s not ready to come back home “yet”.
It comes down to this logic: if he really wanted it to be over with me, wouldn’t it clearly be over? Wouldn’t he just go file and come get all his belongings and stop all contact with me? Instead, he tells me that “we need to take a break”, ala Ross/Rachel. That is very different than having your spouse say to you that he wants a divorce.
He doesn’t want to talk about mediating. He hasn’t brought it up and he’s had a lot of opportunity to do so. He isn’t living with o.w. or anyone. I suppose these are positives that I should be grateful for.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
