A little update: H. was still sleeping when I took my lunch break and stopped by the house. I did my own thing, leaving him alone to rest. He woke up shortly after and ate some lunch. He seemed very tired but we were talking and it was cordial. No mention at all about what we talked about last night. Turns out, he had to go back out to his part time job this afternoon, so I think that’s why he came back to our house rather than to drive back to where he lives this morning (saving time, gas, mileage). I had wanted to see it as a positive but I really don’t think it was. It was a matter of convenience.
He got ready at home, and I hope he noticed that his toiletries are all still in the bathroom. As far as what we were going to do later tonight, he said we’d get together tomorrow night instead. No hug goodbye before he left; he just said he’d call me later. I need to detach again; this isn’t good for me. It’s so easy to slip back into the damaging behavior for the LBS. Maybe it’s good that I won’t see him tonight.
I guess I’m wondering how H. will ever fully cut off o.w. and their R. I mean, honestly if he and I were ever to have any shot, he would have to do this. So how does that work for the WAS’s that actually do come back to their spouse? I can see H is not at that point yet, and maybe he won’t be for a long time. Sometimes, it seems so impossible that he and I can be together down the road.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
