Pennies in the Fountain of Serenity

[hopefloats7]

So frustrated.

Yesterday, not a word from him all day. If he was just hanging out alone w/puppy, I know that he would have called. Plus, he was supposed to bring puppy back yesterday. Around 9pm I finally called him; he was clearly not able to talk freely and said he would bring puppy back in the morning. He practically hung up on me. I knew o.w. was there.

I called him back at 11pm. I was not happy that he wasn’t bringing puppy back; that was NOT the arrangement. I told him that if he “had company” over, he could just say so. He admitted o.w. had been over for a while, and he said, “I had unwanted company.” I asked him what he meant; he said he had wanted to go see his family today but she came by to talk about some “unresolved issues”.

Well, as we were talking (on his house line), his cell rang, and he asked me to hold on. I could hear him speaking w/o.w. and she was calling because her little girl was upset and wanted to speak to H. It was 11pm. She (o.w.) had just gotten home from seeing H. I think she purposely woke up her daughter who is 3 years old and most likely asleep at that hour in order to play on H’s emotions. H. got on the phone with the little girl and was being so sweet and affectionate towards her. Then he got back on with o.w. and I heard him say, “We’ll just take it easy.” They said good night. He came back on the phone with me.

I said sarcastically that I was glad I got to hear all that. I said that it didn’t seem that things were really over and if he was that involved with this child’s life that she has to call him every night before bed, maybe he ought to go be in their lives. He said that wasn’t the case; that he was not with o.w. anymore, but he was not going to hurt this little girl when he is all that she knows. (Her father is not in her life). He said his R. with o.w. was impossible, that it wasn’t going to work and they had mutually decided this. He said, “Well, I’m sure you’re happy. I’m sure you’re glad it’s over.” I said no, that it didn’t mean that he was coming back, and one had nothing to do with the other.

He said that he hadn’t seen the little girl in over a week and wasn’t talking to her as often; it sounded like he was trying to taper it off slowly. He said, “What do you want me to do? Just stop talking to her when she is innocent in all this?”

I told him that o.w. is clearly a needy, desperate person. I told him that I was not denying that he cared about her daughter but not to think for one moment that o.w. didn’t recognize his feelings and was using her child in order to keep a tie with him. I told him she would not be the first woman in the world to do that. I told him that it was disturbing to see her manipulating the situation and using her child in all this. He said, “Well, you have the woman’s point of view.” I think it bothers him to think o.w. would do this when he genuinely cares for this child.

I asked H. if she had met his family. He said, “No. That’s part of the problem.” I asked him how so; he said, “Well, I won’t introduce her to my family, and that’s a problem.” He also said that this affected everything that they did, which is why it’s impossible.

Then, his cell rang again, and it was o.w. again. He asked me to hold on and I could hear him speaking with her. He said, “Well, you can call me anytime for that.” He was being very nice to her, told her to have a good night, take care, etc. He came back on the line with me, and said he was going to need to put his cell phone away.

He said she was calling to apologize that she’d had to call before about her child. I told him by telling her she can call him anytime regarding the child was only making matters worse and not to think she wouldn’t take him up on that. I pointed out again that she was obviously using this all to her benefit. He didn’t disagree with me. I said, “What are you going to do about her stopping by? She knows where you are living.” He said he didn’t want to be rude to her when she came over yesterday, even though she was “unwanted company”.

We ended our call cordially and he did bring puppy over to me today. He seemed very tired this morning, but made a point to look out the window at our yard and comment on how he was going to fix up this and that, etc. He asked me what I was doing later tonight, because we may go to the gym together. He said he’d call after work.

My summary:
1. o.w. is using H’s genuine love for her child as a way to keep him tied to her, even though H. believes their break up is a “mutual decision”.

2. H. has a very, very strong attachment to this child. I do not know how that will be broken.

3. H. is not proud of o.w. or his relationship with her, because he will not introduce her to his family, which is one of many of their problems and why they are not together.

4. Despite continued contact with o.w., H. claims that their R. is over. He referred to it as a “break” and when I said that there is a big difference between taking a break and ending something, he said, “Well, in this case, it’s over.”

I am not getting my hopes up about my situation with H. but of course a part of me really does want his R. with o.w. to be over. If we do spend time together tonight, I won’t ask about any of this but it is very hard not to let it bother me. I am sorry that this little girl got caught up in this whole mess and I do feel badly for her, but it’s wrong what is going on with her. I really wish it would stop.

This keeps getting more and more complicated.