I guess I see it more like getting myself on a better path while remaining here (in my house instead of selling it) and trying to renew my R. slowly with H. I don't want to use the words "waiting for him" because it implies that I'm sitting around doing zilch and hoping he comes back home. I recognize that he might not. But I would say that I do feel the likelihood is a little bit better than it was say a month ago, when he and o.w. were considering moving in together. [I am thankful it never happened.]
I figure one of two things can happen. He might come back eventually, and I hope to be in a much better place emotionally and mentally by then. This is what I need to work on. Or, he might find someone he feels is better suited for him, and begin a R. with this person and want a D. from me. If that happens, then I took a chance but I hope to still have improved myself for my own benefit. If at that point we do have to sell the house and I have to leave here, well, then that will be the time I have to face it. But maybe I can hope for the best and put off the idea of moving for now, since he seems to want to financially help me stay. Is "don't look a gift horse in the mouth" a proper phrase to use here? Possibly.
Regarding the dating issue. I am not going to pursue that avenue, but like you said, H. doesn't have to know that. In fact when he suggested it, I told him, "It's not like I haven't been asked." I wanted him to know that yes, other people actually DO find me interesting, and perhaps I won't always be a sure thing for him. He shouldn't be so sure of this. But I'm not playing games either, and I wouldn't lie about it. I know how to make him a little curious without actually lying.
I was thrilled that H. seemed to get the fact that he has to be happy within himself first, before he can be back in a R. Even if he never comes back home, at least he is finally getting it. I know he still has issues with his job that he is not happy with, and I feel badly that nothing has really panned out in this area to help him feel better about things, but this is something he's going to have to handle without my help. All I can do is wish him the best.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
