I do feel for you with all my heart right now; I don't know how much worth my prayers have however since no matter how much I prayed things are getting worse; but let's hope that prayers for someone else work better.
ALso, keep in mind that every birth feels like a death. End of one chapter is the beginning of another; and I'm sure you're able to write a happy chapter yourself.
To get through the darkest period of the night, act as if it is already morning.
The Talmud
This one hits closer to the description of my previous M (not the reason I am on DB). exH and I were together for 15yrs. I finally got tired of his "indiscretions" and left the M, first emotionally and then physically."
We talked about it a month or so ago (after being D for 6yrs). He described it best as the song by Sting "If I ever lose faith in you." LOL. I guess that does make sense looking back. The minute I was gone emotionally the M was over. I had lost faith. It was true.
Technically most would say we had a great marriage, if you can look of it in terms of a business partnership, which I know some marriages appear to be. There was no passion, no love, but I think in some strange way there was respect and admiration.
If I had continued to turn my head the other direction, I am sure we could still be M. As my attorney said, you guys had a helluva M but the guy couldn't keep his pants on. Even exH said that I was a great W, couldn't have asked for more in regards to being a mother, wife, partner and providing a nice home. He just couldn't get past the rock star lifestyle he had known. I just could no longer accept it. But it was nice 6yrs later to have him tell me this. But I think I knew it all along, we are one of the few D couples that actually had lunch after our day in court!!
Of course he’s not changed his lifestyle. He goes from one to another, at one point he had 3 OW simultaneously in his life. I wonder if he’ll ever find what he is searching for. I know at one time one of his exGFs and I decided after reading on the subject that he was a Narcissist.
Hope, I think what we are all saying here is what you probably already know. Your H keeps pushing you away, he knows that he has issues to work through but he can’t find his way. He’s going to as everyone else says continue on this path. Maybe like the addictive personality, he has to hit rock bottom. Certainly I would have thought the ow being pregnant would have been enough but it wasn’t, nor was it for my exH when we had to deal with a threat of one of the ow being pregnant. Your H loves you enough to not want to put you through anymore pain that he has already caused you. He just can’t seem to pull himself together. He really needs therapy on his own, without you to seek and work through this issues babe. It’s not something that you can help him with. You can love him, still detach, still D and move forward with your life. Find your strength and self again. Your H has to find himself again and he may never, look at my exH, he continues from one to another still at 46. Shows no signs of ever changing and this man wanted to remain married. He didn’t want to end that life that he had with us, he just wanted to have his cake and eat it too.
Life is not a dress rehearsal honey, this is it. As NYS always says, D is nothing but a piece of paper.
Hi everyone, Back from my little trip. It was ok. It's hard to have fun when you feel so completely lousy inside, but I did my best and felt loved for a couple of days. My family is very supportive.
NYS, your post made me smile, because I know how right you are. H. is now seeking happiness by looking for yet a "different" woman. The moment these words left his mouth I was thinking to myself, 'There you go again, looking for happiness in someone else. Haven't you learned yet?'
Yes, his R. with o.w. isn't all he thought it would be. I think he stays with her because she is tolerant of his wandering eye and she knows he's not faithful, but still doesn't care enough to break up with him. So, why not keep her around I guess?
As I've said before, I never believed I would end up in something so sordid. This is not like me at all; I do not find pleasure in this drama and disgust.
He definitely does not love himself, NY S. I agree with you fully. It makes me sad inside to know this. I realize I can't help him with this problem, but really, this is a man with SO much potential to be such a wonderful person. He hates what he did and now hates himself, and he can't seem to stop what he's doing. It's so painful to watch him slowly self-destructing.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Hi there, and thank you for your support. It means so much. RB, my plan is to try mediation w/H. and if at any moment it seems he is being unfair I will stop it and tell him we both need to get our own lawyers. I won't let him push me into something that does not feel fair. I am way too smart for that. Imdi, honey, I am coming over to your thread shortly. I briefly read what's happening and want to post over there. Gosh, I am so sorry. Talk to you soon.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Thank you very much for the well wishes and prayers. I need all of them! Flutter, I agree with you, that a fresh start can have a lot of positives. I try to focus on that when I'm feeling waaaaaaay down low.
Shocked, Not really sure that I can say o.w. is fading away. I think she's still very much in the picture. Last weekend she and her child were with H. at his place...and he actually called me while they were there! Whatever. He has lost his mind I think. Who does that? You are right, and I had forgotten about the anger being a very common MLC thing. I have read about it; I need to brush up, because he's been like this a lot with me, especially when I try to talk about the real steps regarding what we are to do (mediate, etc.). Anything too "real" stirs up his anger (fear?) and he lashes out, acts very childish. I don't think he's out of replay though. I mean, he's telling me he wants to see what's out there. He wants to date other women. He's looking, I am sure. He's not done. It could be a long time for him. We might even get divorced and he'll still live a long time in replay, looking for happiness in someone else, just like NYS said. Thank you for the prayers; I reciprocate them! Hugs, Hope
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Thank you for taking the time to write on my thread. I really am trying to focus more on myself and healing right now. I have neglected myself emotionally and I need to do better. If he does file, I won't stand in his way. Actually I'll be proud of him that he finally had the courage to do it. I know God has better plans for me than this. For some reason that is unknown to me right now, He is steering me through this hell. I hope someday to look back and realize I needed to go through this, and it will all be clear for me. Right now I don't know what is going to happen to me, but I have to believe I have happier days waiting for me. Thank you, Amy.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
the marriage was at least comfortable if not good, but then an affair started (especially if it starts out innocently), which caused the marriage to collapse directly or indirectly (when one S is emotionally involved someplace else, it's bound to impact R), then the one having the affair sees the damage, concludes that M was terrible from the start and flees the wreckage
FD, This is how I see what happened to me and my marriage. No one's marriage is perfect, but after 14 years I thought we still had it going on pretty good! I was proud of our life together and H. never indicated to me that he was not satisfied with things. I gradually saw him slipping away emotionally and I became more frustrated, seeking to find out what was happening to my husband. Then the bomb. Once he dropped that on me, THEN he decided he'd been unhappy. Interestingly enough, the longer he'd been moved out from our house post-bomb, the increase in years he'd been unhappy in our marriage when he would retell his side of the story.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Your H loves you enough to not want to put you through anymore pain that he has already caused you. He just can’t seem to pull himself together. He really needs therapy on his own, without you to seek and work through this issues babe. It’s not something that you can help him with.
I believe you. I know I cannot help him, which is so frustrating as I've said a thousand times over, but I'm getting better at realizing it. He's never going to come back feeling the way he does, and as NY S said, H is now seeking yet another person to fill up his happy void. It will take several months into a new R with o.w. II before he realizes he's failed to solve his problems yet again. I'm preparing myself for the fact that we will most likely D. or at least legally separate. I see no other way anymore. We can't go on living this way, and financially it isn't going to be possible. I can only do the best I can for myself when handed the situation. I hope I can do it.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
Such a peace in your posts this evening. Seems like the break did you well. I was wondering how you were doing.
Honey we don't know our own strength until we put it to the test...and if you feel that you need some of mine...here if you need it...I'll even let you borrow my "S" charm if you need it!!
