This one hits closer to the description of my previous M (not the reason I am on DB). exH and I were together for 15yrs. I finally got tired of his "indiscretions" and left the M, first emotionally and then physically."
We talked about it a month or so ago (after being D for 6yrs). He described it best as the song by Sting "If I ever lose faith in you." LOL. I guess that does make sense looking back. The minute I was gone emotionally the M was over. I had lost faith. It was true.
Technically most would say we had a great marriage, if you can look of it in terms of a business partnership, which I know some marriages appear to be. There was no passion, no love, but I think in some strange way there was respect and admiration.
If I had continued to turn my head the other direction, I am sure we could still be M. As my attorney said, you guys had a helluva M but the guy couldn't keep his pants on. Even exH said that I was a great W, couldn't have asked for more in regards to being a mother, wife, partner and providing a nice home. He just couldn't get past the rock star lifestyle he had known. I just could no longer accept it. But it was nice 6yrs later to have him tell me this. But I think I knew it all along, we are one of the few D couples that actually had lunch after our day in court!!
Of course he’s not changed his lifestyle. He goes from one to another, at one point he had 3 OW simultaneously in his life. I wonder if he’ll ever find what he is searching for. I know at one time one of his exGFs and I decided after reading on the subject that he was a Narcissist.
Hope, I think what we are all saying here is what you probably already know. Your H keeps pushing you away, he knows that he has issues to work through but he can’t find his way. He’s going to as everyone else says continue on this path. Maybe like the addictive personality, he has to hit rock bottom. Certainly I would have thought the ow being pregnant would have been enough but it wasn’t, nor was it for my exH when we had to deal with a threat of one of the ow being pregnant. Your H loves you enough to not want to put you through anymore pain that he has already caused you. He just can’t seem to pull himself together. He really needs therapy on his own, without you to seek and work through this issues babe. It’s not something that you can help him with. You can love him, still detach, still D and move forward with your life. Find your strength and self again. Your H has to find himself again and he may never, look at my exH, he continues from one to another still at 46. Shows no signs of ever changing and this man wanted to remain married. He didn’t want to end that life that he had with us, he just wanted to have his cake and eat it too.
Life is not a dress rehearsal honey, this is it. As NYS always says, D is nothing but a piece of paper.
