You sound a bit better than you did last time I checked in on you. I am really glad for that.
Quote: The problem is, I really NEED to know the truth about what has gone on between H. & o.w. I am not saying it would change anything. I just need to know so the thousands of possibilities stop crowding my mind, and I have the ability to know the truth and let it rest. I don't know if that makes any sense, but that is what I need.
Be REALLY careful with this kind of thinking. It's the same thought process that leads to snooping early on in the sitch and I believe it to be destructive. It seems like you need to know, and that you'll be able to deal with the "truth". Two problems with that. First, he may never tell you the "truth". Second, you say you want to stop the thousands of possibilities from clogging your mind. Well, you can always stop that be realizing that all those things are living in your head and that none of them are reality so far as you know. You CAN dismiss those thoughts. Once you have the "truth" it forms a searing vision in your head. I speak only for myself. The parts of the "truth" I know about my W and the OM still linger somewhere in the front of my mind most of the time. The possibilities of what COULD be going on are much less damaging to me right now. I can't tell you not to feel the way you do. I am just trying to help you think about this need you think you have from a different point of view. Like you said anyway, it won't change anything so why even know? Please take care.
