I think for you to proceed, it's up to you what to do, without regard to considering what he wants to do, since what he wants to do is keep it in limbo, and go ahead and do it.
Right again, but here is the thing: earlier this week, he seemed to want to move this out of limbo. He said...
What I'm saying is, pay no attention to the man behind the WAS curtain. Don't regard what he may want, just as he hasn't regarded you. I'm not saying return tit for tat, but to walk your walk, without consideration for him. Should he wish to walk with you, he will adjust his pace. But he should not be the one to cause you to limp.
It would be nice to think that they will not have a happy future together, because quite frankly after what they have put me through I don't feel they deserve one. Sorry; bitter, yes. Can't help that.
I understand that. You want vindication and I don't blame you. You'd like H to see the consequences of his actions, that of bad actions leading to bad consequences. That feeds into our anger and sense of righteousness, if we're not over that.
Also wanted to mention something about my aunt, who has been in my position, sadly. She has told me time and again that she regrets being the one who filed for the divorce; she and my uncle lived apart for one year (adultery issues with him) and she finally couldn't take the limbo anymore so she filed. She told me she regrets this because she relieved him of the guilt of filing; he should have been the one to do it
Let me tell you, that's what she may think, yet I think, if it comes down to divorce, the innocent spouse filing is the stronger one. Why should we, as the innocent spouse that was cheated on, be the reason for the divorce? Bullsh!t! We're the ones that have the real reason to say legally "I don't want this person mated to me".
Filing because one can't take the limbo anymore is another story. I've been there. Filed because I felt embarrassed that my wife was living with another man; why remain married, asked I? Under that emotional pressure that I gave myself, I sought divorce. In the long run, it wasn't a bad thing: it cut me loose and untangled me legally foremost, and whatever effect it had on her and the OM, fine. Personally, I believed it dumped her in his lap and took away the erotic thrill of having taken her from her husband, and made it all real to him, and to her I belive it made her subject to the tides of life without an anchor anymore. Just my belief, don't know how it really affected them, but safe to say that it made them both free to now regard each other as their reality without me in the picture, for whatever impact that may have. And lo! There she is, missing me, right?
