Pennies in the Fountain of Serenity

[hopefloats7]

NYS,
Hi again, friend. Glad you're around tonight.

Oh, OK! I read "He said that he noticed I'd called a few times and wanted to be sure everything here was ok" and I got the impression that there wasn't any reason he should be expecting your calls
I think I'm being confusing when I don't mean to! Sorry! There was no reason for me to be calling him today---which was the unusual part; that plus I called more than once. I have not done this in a very long time, so he thought something might be wrong with me or at the house, etc. That is why he called me back even though o.w. was around. Normally he would not do that.

I do agree with you: if a person wants to return, they will, and the LBS won't be left questioning it.

I think for you to proceed, it's up to you what to do, without regard to considering what he wants to do, since what he wants to do is keep it in limbo, and go ahead and do it.
Right again, but here is the thing: earlier this week, he seemed to want to move this out of limbo. He said we cannot continue to live this way (I agreed) and that we needed to talk in person about how we would proceed. Ok, fine. Not really what Hope wanted to hear, but alright. Hope's physical and mental health have taken a beating; time to sit with H. and discuss. But now he's not willing to sit down and do this.
So, where does that leave me? Back in limbo hell. I don't really want a D. but I was willing to talk this weekend with H. about how to proceed (I was really considering RB's suggestion about a legal sep. and still selling house, splitting up the finances, etc.). He's too busy sitting around at his house with o.w. and her child. So how important is it, then, to settle up? How do we move out of limbo when it's now H. who doesn't seem to want to do anything about it! Talk about a 180. I finally get up the courage to face the possibility that we can't work this out, and he decides to ignore what needs to be done.

Oh, yes, I know getting lawyers involved doesn't mean nasty. I'm just saying that in H.-speak, he means that instead of us going after each other bitterly, we could mediate (which we have talked about before). Sure, in the heat of an argument he's yelled at me and told me to just go get a lawyer, etc. but he doesn't mean it. He would rather mediate and so would I. I don't see that being a problem. The problem now is getting H. to talk to me about taking these actual steps and he seems to be putting it off now. Funny how when I call HIM to say, 'we have a lot to talk about' he now doesn't want to discuss it.

Thank you for pointing out H's issues for me. I guess it helps for someone else to show me that this isn't my fault. That he does actually have problems that are going to make his R. with o.w. a mess It would be nice to think that they will not have a happy future together, because quite frankly after what they have put me through I don't feel they deserve one. Sorry; bitter, yes. Can't help that. Despite what he's been going through with o.w. I still say he has said and done SO many things that I've read about a MLC.

You don't want to get burned by this guy again. Watch from a distance, see how he goes along his journey
No, I sure don't NYS. I don't know what his intentions are but he has to face me sooner or later. We can't legally separate or D. without first sitting down together and talking about what to do; there is a lot to talk about. I would be ok with separating and moving away from here after selling our house and seeing what real distance might do for H. Perhaps it would force him to rethink what he's doing; perhaps not, too. If he got it together over time, then we could have a fresh start if I'm still interested down the road. Maybe I wouldn't be, I don't know.

On a totally different note, I think I'm going to pick up this Sudoku puzzle craze. My friend told me about it, and then I was speaking to my aunt today and she's all into it. It looks challeging and fun, and I'm going out to pick up a beginner's book about it tomorrow.

Also wanted to mention something about my aunt, who has been in my position, sadly. She has told me time and again that she regrets being the one who filed for the divorce; she and my uncle lived apart for one year (adultery issues with him) and she finally couldn't take the limbo anymore so she filed. She told me she regrets this because she relieved him of the guilt of filing; he should have been the one to do it, because she wanted to work out her marriage and he didn't. She keeps reminding me NOT to file and make H. do it because I will regret it if I go ahead with it.