First, today is the first day in a LONG time that I have called H. without a very good reason (or if I was returning a message from him). It was highly unusual that I called him like I did; he returned my call because he thought something was wrong...that's how unusual it was. I was not trying to go back into pursuit mode, but I had to do something different. I've left him alone for months now and things are not any better. I realize pursuing also did not get me far when I was doing it earlier on in my situation, but considering he was saying to me that things with o.w. and him were not going as well, I figured this might be my time to act, so to speak. So, I called him hoping he could have lunch with me, and perhaps we could talk about how to proceed.
Now, in regards to me saying that we have a lot to talk about, we DO! He knew what I meant; this was what HE was pushing for earlier in the week: were we getting a legal sep. or D? what to do about selling the house, etc. He assured me we would discuss this in person on Sat., and then he blew that off and we resorted to a big R. talk including him spilling the "truth" (and yes I'm smart enough to put that word in quotes) about what's been going on.
I wanted him to agree to come over and talk to me about what we are going to do. I realize we cannot continue to live this way. The problem is, he gets all hyped up about discussing it, even goes so far as to set a day to do it, and then avoids it. When I asked him today when could we talk about things, he said maybe next weekend. Avoiding.
You're right, NYS, his actions do speak louder than his words. He SAYS he doesn't want to come back, he wants to talk about what we're going to do (because he's not coming back), and then when I expect this conversation to happen, he bails. So, then, does he REALLY want out of this marriage or not?
A lot of men leave their wives and don't behave like H. is behaving. They know they want a D. and they get a lawyer and file, and things fall into place. H. is avoiding me now because if he's not coming back as he insists, he knows we have a lot to work out.
Perhaps he is scared to take the final step. So am I. I don't want this, but I also have to think of my own health and well being. Sure, I could go file, but I don't want to do that. I have told him we could sit down together; he's told me he doesn't want to get lawyers involved (he means he'd rather mediate than get nasty about it).
Does H. even have issues? Maybe I'm misreading the whole thing. Sometimes I think it's as simple as he loves o.w. and wants to be with her.
Most of us really marry only once. First love endures, even unto our dying day. And we never really divorce.
