It's been a few days and I just wanted to let everyone know I'm still here, still kicking, and we're still talking....A LOT!
My H is answering questions when I ask them of him and with the exception of a time or two has not taken a defensive posture with me. If he took a defensive tact with me right now, that would definitely not be a good thing....and I'd know for sure he's still hiding stuff from me.
I had a long talk with our therapist last night (my H will be seeing her himself next week, unfortunately that's the quickest that could be arranged.) She had suspected he was hiding something like this from me and said (since she sits across from us obviously) that there were a few times she felt he was on the verge of telling me something....but held back.
So at this point I'm taking things one hour, one day, at a time...because I have to. One minute I'm more angry than I've ever been.....the next I'm in tears. I'm not hiding ANY of this from him either....this is what he's done....seeing my pain is one of the consequences of his actions. I haven't been hiding this from him one bit....but it was nice to have my therapist validate that I shouldn't even attempt to hide it from him....she believes he needs to actually see the damage he's done too. She believes that seeing my pain has more affect on him than most things would. Guys...is that true? She gave me "After the Affair" to read, I'll be starting on it tonight providing my migrane subsides enough to let me read it.
She gave me this book to help validate my stance on what I need to work through this....phone records, credit card records, computer surveillance, oh....and the fact that I told him if we're going to get through this he's going to have to get ok with us being siamese twins for quite some time and that means no more going hunting without me along....for as long as I feel necessary.
Honeypot...I know you're going to ask me "what's he going to do". What he's going to do is anything it takes to put us on the right track. I know that sounds pretty vague...but there's a lot that encompasses that. Really high on that list of things are the things I mentioned that will help give me some peace of mind during this process...you know, monitoring his activity. Another very high on the list thing....is intensive counseling to address why he's been doing this and avoiding me. IOW...."GET OVER IT ALREADY!" Which is what I told him. Of course...addressing my sexual needs is there too. I've explained to him that the only difference between me and the women he's viewing on that website is.....I'm not on there, I want that with HIM. I've also told him I'm DONE supressing the sexual side of my nature from him.....because in the past he would intimate that it was "pressure"....too DAMNED bad, deal with it...it's who I am.
There is much more that I could post, but I honestly don't have the time or the energy at the moment to rehash everything. I will hang around on here a bit today though if anyone has any questions.
I just knew some of my friends would be concerned...so I thought I'd check in.
