Hey, I know you're not here right now and that you don't really *know* me, but I am thinking about you. How horrible (and familiar) to feel not only that your trust is completely destroyed, but that you've been trying so hard, only to find that your H is secretly acting in such a way that none of your *trying* really matters.
Now, when I was in a somewhat similar situation (I found out my then-H was an alcoholic and constantly lying about it), I quickly realized that nothing I could do was going to help and that the relationship would never get any better until he came clean, admitted his problem and stopped lying to me.
And I realized that he was going to have to do all those things without me (at the time we were separated, but he was begging to come back). I decided it was something that wasn't my problem, but that would poison our relationship until he fixed it.
It took years, but I didn't even consider getting back together with him until he had completely stopped drinking.
Obviously not exactly your situation, but maybe something with a few parallels.
