I've been thinking and thinking and thinking about you. I wasn't going to write anything because I had a very personal and mind numbing reaction to your story. I felt that if I said anything, I would just be projecting my own feelings onto your sitch, and I didn't want to do that.
I will offer up to you a few observations.
Given that your H has been doing this since you got married, I see him using you as a cover for his addiction. Yes, addiction. LDs are NOTORIOUS for avoiding intimacy, we know this... but your H never established it with you. It may have seemed/felt that way at some point... but as a drunk will say anything for a drink, a user will say anything for a fix, so will a sex addict who needs cover for his... whatever it is.
By you allowing him to stay in your home, you will now be responsible, sole judge and jury, for whatever progress he does or doesn't make. The entire burden of the R lays squarely with you, once again. You say he has things to prove to you... but he knows you are watching. Desperate times call for desperate measures. kwis?
You say he has broken your trust. Honey, there was NEVER trust there to begin with. Ever.
I understand your concern for your son. I have greater concern for your son by you leaving this... person... in your home. No, I don't necessarily think he would harm your son, that is not what I am implying. But your son is young, and this will only continue to get harder for him the next time something happens. And it will, because he has no real motivation to change... he's been caught. He'll either go further underground, or he'll change for as long as he needs to. This will resurface because he did not make the move to change until you lowered the boom. External motivation vs. internal motivation.
You of course need to speak with your MC... but keep in mind that the entire purpose of an MC is to save a marriage, and they will approach this issue with that frame of mind. I'd call an addiction counselor, maybe even give one of the counselors on this board a call... or better yet... I'd hunt up Schnarch himself... my advice to you is to definitely seek a second opinion... not because your MC is not adequate, but simply for another take on the sitch.
My heart goes out to you, lovely lady. One day you will realize in your heart that no matter how much you want to, you cannot save this marriage by yourself... and truly, that's what you've been in for the last three years... a marriage by yourself.
Sorry for the bluntness. Having said all this, do what YOU need to do and I will give you all the support I can muster.
