I know that you don't want to throw away your M. You have worked so hard, you are thinking of Ian and you love your H. At least the H that you thought he was. Stig and nicegal are voices of experience. I think they offered some good thought/suggestions.
I looked at the site. I had never seen it. I nearly vomited. I had no idea how graphic it was from the moment you enter. All I did was look in my "local area" and all I saw was a bunch of people's private parts and what sex of people they were looking to hook up with. Gel, you are one very strong woman and I respect whatever you feel you need to do. I don't consider myself a prude but I consider this site an affront to marriages, healthy relationships and the intimacy of sexuality. Are so many people so pathetic and shallow that this passes for a "good time"?
I remember one time you or IHJ saying to your H "you have no idea how good it could be between us." Your H had no idea or he wouldn't have done such a stupid thing. Whether he met up with people or not he made himself available and made sure to dangle the carrot of sex (barren sl, indeed). He needs to be the one selling you on "you have no idea how good it could be." A lame list of "I might like, sorta always did want, to try these things XXX" smack to me of placating. I would need to ask -why the h*ll would I want to do any of that stuff with you? I don't know who you are."
Gel - please take care of yourself. Eat well, exercise, spend time with friends, hug Ian until he begs for mercy. Stop fixing. Let your H fix. Then you determine what fixed would look like.
