1) I gave opportunity for my H to tell me the truth and come clean...I knew things that I did not tell him. I'd checked cell records, installed spyware on his computer...etc. I WANTED HIM TO COME CLEAN! I DID NOT tell him I had done those things. I kept quiet about many things for a while. I KNEW MUCH of the truth...saw emails etc. etc. AND...even though what he did was wrong..I wanted to give him opportunity to fess up tell me all...and thereby help to REBUILD trust. Just thoughts. I also HAD To know to what degree it all went...because it MAY NOT have gone as far as my wild imagination might think it had. And it would have forever made me wonder and plagued me.
Getting all the facts helped me be in a position to deal with it..him deal with it...and in time, put it to rest...and hopefully come to a place of trust after much ...change..
2) What is his past with marriages? You don't have to tell me...but those are things to consider. People have to make MAJOR changes in order not to repeat the past.
3) Mr. Gel is sorry now because he was caught. Don't tell all in your anger about it.
4) You will have to decide this is a matter of his character or if he just jumped WAY off the deep end, acting in a way that is NOT HIM! And there are BOTH of those possibilities.
5) Does he have a standard he lives his life by? FAith in God, the Bible...etc. If so, that will make him want to shape up MORE than even a wife's boundaries...
My heart goes out to you, dear GEL. It is a difficult time, I know. But at the same time changes can be made in both of you that down the road will bring you to a better place.
