My H came to me this evening with a list of things he wants to do/try with me. Things that in the past I would absolutely never have even thought crossed his mind...since he'd been playing Mr. Innocent with me.
I'm not going to go into detail on this list with you. There's truly nothing much that I believe would shock any of you...it's not like it involves unusual fetishes or anything.
Towards the bottom of the list he wrote....make sure whatever we do is done before bedtime.
I read the list over, asked a few questions to clarify some things and then asked him why he couldn't just ask me (or do these things to me)? His response was "I just can't seem to get these out when I want to....I'm much more comfortable if you ask, or you start it."
I thought about it for a few moments and responded "do you realize I'm no more "comfortable" asking for these things than you are? It's just that you constantly put ME in the position to dictate what we do/don't do?" He looked at me and said he didn't see it that way, which kind of stunned me....I thought it would be obvious.
Anyway....as I said I read the list and told him I had no problem with anything he'd listed. Some of the things I have never tried at all...some I have, but I told him.....if these were things he wanted to try I'm completely open to the ideas. FWIW...absolutely nothing included a 3rd person or a stranger for either of us....IMPO, most of it would be simply considered exploration of the other person....nothing really unusual.
He also asked that we go to the adult toy-store together, which as you know...we've talked about before.
Anyway...he came to me on his own with this.
This is going to take much more communication.....but right now crazy as I may seem, I have to try. I'm hurting like hell, I just don't feel we are over. I can't explain it but I feel even though he probably didn't really believe he'd be "caught"....there was a big part of him that wanted to be.
I've asked him again today if he has anything else he wants to tell me, and he swears this was the only thing he was hiding from me. I know when he said that I looked at him skeptically....he knows I won't just buy that, but I will continue to give him the opportunity to tell me anything else on his own before I discover it.
After I asked that he did have to leave the house for a few hours. Needless to say....I scoured EVERYTHING of his in this house. I looked absolutely everywhere he might have had ANYTHING hidden....because I felt I needed to. I found absolutely nothing else to send my alarm bells off further. I searched credit card statements....EVERYTHING.
So...day #1 of rebuilding has nearly passed....we're both still alive.
