I figured some of you would be concerned...here's an update.
BF - I do hear you. But I am going to say this...."I" am not ready to make the move you suggest. I understand why you suggest it, but I'm not at the place I need to be to make that move.
With that said. I drew a line last night....a very firm line. He crosses it....we're flat-out done (and yes I mean it). Why did I give him one last chance? Because I do love him.
When he arrived home last night I had already practiced the rose shotput in the yard with my valentine's day flowers (Honeypot I think I could give you a run for your money on that one.) I had called him and confronted him one more time on something else I had found .... yes, he was asking for women to meet for drinks/coffee in most of the contacts he'd had. When I saw that I called him and told him what I'd found. Naturally...he swore he hadn't met up with any of them. My instincts (not my heart) are telling me he hasn't met them.....this is fantasy. IF I find out I'm wrong...we're done.
However with that said. By the time he got home (after I had already told him I wasn't sure I'd be there...and he freaked) I had calmed down enough to talk to him. I didn't shout, didn't raise my voice, didn't cry.....but had pages upon pages from his adultfriendfinder account printed out so #1 he couldn't deny things I was saying, and #2 help me remember specific things I needed to say.
Now, whether or not he actually intended to meet up with anyone is irrelevant to me. He swears he hasn't, he swears he didn't intend to but I told him the mere fact that he wrote that he'd like to leaves the person he's contacting with the impression he wants to....I don't care if it was just fantasy in his head. In my view (and I told him this) you are cheating on me, I may as well have walked in on you sleeping with someone.
He tried in some ways to say "but I didn't cheat, I didn't meet any of them." Each time I'd say that's irrelevant to me....you left THEM with the impression you wanted to, you leave ME with the impression you wanted to.
I told him what he's been doing to me (lying, not meeting my needs) has affected me mentally so traumatically that it's abusive and I'd be an absolute idiot to let him do this to me anymore. If I find out one more time (and I will find out I told him) he's gone. Not I'm gone, he's gone. He looked at me when I said that, so I told him....."I've bent over backwards, I've done nothing wrong here, this is our son's home.....YOU will be gone."
I told him the trust I had towards him is completely gone, he threw it away. I had given him multiple opportunities to come clean, he didn't take one of them. I explained that one of the things that cut through me is that in all the time we've been seeing a MC he's been on this website....so he's NEVER been really trying to fix anything with us. As long as he continued to go there for that "sexual fix" he was avoiding me.
He did do quite a bit of talking himself....I'll write more on that later.
Right now though...he's shut down his account on the website, as well as his yahoo account (with me watching)....and he knows I'll be watching his activities on the computer.
