These last couple of days have been really tough and I've been finding myself falling off the wagon and getting angry and pleading with her not to force my hand on the separation. She is scarily businesslike about this and I think the mediator has given her a false sense of security about the outcome. Somehow, I am the one looking for an apartment, I am the one who will need to give her enough money to stay in the house with the kids which she would like me to see on a very traditional visitation schedule.
What is it about walkaways that makes them so impervious to the damage they are doing?
We're almost $1500 into lawyers and mediator fees and haven't settled a damn thing. She has decided that she simply won't discuss anything specific about the separation without a mediator present. She's also e-mailing the OM like crazy with tales of how threatening I am being when I say stuff like, "I'm not sure I can agree to just move out and support both households, and I'm not going to lose my kids over this".
I just don't know how they muster the kind of cold detachment I am seeing. She really has no sense of what she is doing to me, and it feels like she thinks I deserve exactly what I am getting. I just don't get her.
I went to look at apartments today and boy was it grim. We live in a beautiful house in a great neighborhood, and I just feel like I am taking such a huge step backwards with this separation. It's like she is not only taking herself away, but also my kids, my savings, my lifestyle and she is showing absolutely no remorse whatsoever.
I'm just so scared that she will ultimately litigate this when I don't bend on her demands.
I think I need to move this post out of piecing, but I'm too lazy to start a new thread.
