I think what is worst, is that so many WAW's insist that it was 100% up to us and that we blew it. I'm happy to take my share of the blame for our problems, but when she insists that the real reason we are splitting was my inability to make the changes she so clearly requested (and I still don't fully understand) without even a hint of responsibility on her part. I just have to question whether she is stuck in the need to defend a position that, at some level, she knows is flawed.
I'm just trying to harness this right now to achieve some level of detachment as she speeds full steam ahead towards a separation and divorce. What's telling, is that she is not even fully satisfied with the functional componenents of a divorce (e.g. my moving out), she needs the legal and institutional components as well, even though it takes a year to file for divorce in our state.
This tells me that what she needs is not just to end our relationship, but also to formalize the process of ending the relationship as soon as possible. This does not seem like the logic of someone who is holding out the possibility of reconciliation or hoping that I will change. Instead, this seems like someone who needs out of a marriage agreement so that her current feelings are compatible with her marital status.
Again, I just hope that this realization will give me the strength to pull back and drop the rope. I know it is critical to try to understand where she is coming from, but I'm struggling to sympathize with the urgency of her need to be done with this.
