Quote: Did you ever call you XW on the internet relationship? Did she ever come clean with you or were they "just friends". Was this a factor in the divorce negotiations?
The first time I found out by accident and she just said she ended it. I trusted her for awhile, but then I got suspicious and got the e-blaster surveillance thing. After I saw that she had actually ramped up her e-mailing, I calmly told her we were done looking for houses for me to buy and her to live in because I wanted her out of the house ASAP. In front of my W I wrote nastigrams to this person she was e-mailing saying that he/she could have my wife, that I no longer trusted her, and thanks for his/her effort in helping to destroy my marriage. She left within a couple weeks of that time. I re-established our friendship, but she didn't break this thing with the other person for the entire year. She actually never met this person or talked on the phone...she just lived with the fantasy of who this was. She just finally realized that it was all a fantasy, and because I had remained her friend, supported her, and improved the issues she had with our marriage, she just wanted back. I didn't immediately say "yes", I gave her time to actually work through these issues first.
John, I honestly feel that while the spouse is in la-la land with OP, real or imagined or a little bit of both, you can't necessarily compete because they are somehow perfect. But you can be the supportive friend. I know it sucks to think of yourself as the rebound person, but they are in a delusional fantasy which makes it a little easier.
The OP didn't come up in the D proceedings at all, but ours was extremely easy because we didn't share kids. Yours will inevitably be more complicated, but you can still handle the arrangements with the kids in a mature way and still have a fair arrangement. Remember to listen, listen, listen and validate. It will go along way if she feels her wants/needs are being heard. You can get a better arrangement if you work on this together than if you include lawyers and court. Settle most of the details between you. And the OP has nothing to do with it (in the WAS's mind) so no sense bringing it up in D discussions.
W
In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years. Abraham Lincoln
It is hard to fail, but it is worse never to have tried to succeed. Theodore Roosevelt
