Snooped again, I know weak, counterproductive, ... But, sure enough, she's been e-mailing OM more than ever through the current rush to separate and doing stuff like using her maiden name in the messages. Should I really be surprised?
I'm having a really hard time not being angry, but luckily she's out of town till Monday. I know all this focus on the OM is unhelpful, but I'm heading into a mediation session on Tuesday where she expects us to figure out a way for ME to move out, for ME to give her alimony etc., because of all the ways I've let her down.
I really feel like telling her off and finally saying that she's the one who let this marriage fall apart, by becoming infatuated with another man, and that if she wants out, she should stop blaming me and start taking responsiblity for her decision (e.g. she finds a new place while we sell the house, she has to buy new stuff, etc.) If it weren't for the kids, I think I might have told her to pack it up a long time ago.
Anyone ever tried a "tough love" approach with a walkaway?
Right now I don't feel like I have much to lose and I feel like I've been so caught up in self-blame that I never was really able to hold her accountable for her decisions. Whenever I did, she threatened to leave and I backed down and apologized for "creating the conditions that led her to give up". Maybe I'm just venting, but the more I think about this, the more I feel like so many of these WAS's have already left before we even notice.
I guess I'm really lucky that we have the weekend off from each other. I'm in no mood to DB today for sure.
