Just got back from my reception which I checked out on early. Its funny, I can put on a really good face, joking around etc. for brief periods of time, but it is exhausting. I guess my sulking muscles are better developed.
I cam home after work today and just lost it reargding the feedback I recieved about not getting tenure. I think that either of these two stressors, my marriage failing or recognizing that I've flunked out of academia would put me over the top. Together, they feel like more than I can handle.
I don't care how counterproductive this is, but I really need my wife right now and while she is happy to pitty me, it's clear that she has moved on, and talks about this as my problem. She's out with friends tonight and I've relieved the baby sitter and am hanging with the kids.
I need to figure out what I am grateful for right now. I'm still with my kids, I have a job for the foreseeable future even if my status there is compromised, and if we sell the house, we probably have enough $$ to carry us for awhile.
I think my big fear right now is that my training is so specialized that I can't just find a job anywhere. It's like I'm going to need to start over on so many levels.
I know this thread has become a treatise on feeling sorry for myself, but really I'm just venting. I hope I can re-read this sometime in the future and see how far I've come.
