I shared the status of my marriage with two colleagues who then encouraged me to seek an extension on coming up for tenure till next year as the slip in my performance coinciding with my R troubles would likely put me at a real risk of not getting promoted (which is kind of like getting fired in academia). Whats interesting, is that even though I sought out professional advice (e.g. whether to petition for an extension of the tenure clock) they were both much more excited about giving me counsel on my marriage. I guess its nice to have them care.
Honestly, I'm just looking for some sliver of stability to hang on to in my life. Right now I'm looking at the dissolution of my marriage and family in a strange city that I moved to expressly for this academic job which is now hanging in limbo. I feel like we are now stuck here, because any geographic relocation would have to be a mediated decision. I no longer have the luxury of moving to the best job I can find. I guess I could always relocate to her hometown, a big city with greater opportunities, but I have certainly lost many degrees of flexibility with our plans to separate and my family would just about croak if they thought I was going to move there for her sake.
I guess I just need to sit back and watch this happen, but I simply don't know what I'm watching. If I were a stronger person, I would use this as an opportunity to recommit to my job and career, but frankly I'm just plain tired right now.
This is without question the hardest thing I have ever done, and I'm having trouble mustering any optimism when the separation seems to close so many doors for me an my family.
I think my thread has gone pretty dry, but I'll just keep on journaling.
