Not sure if my great distancing precipitated this, but my wife made it very clear that she needs to move forward with this and now. Her lawyer appt is scheduled for a week from Monday, but I noticed that she took off her rings (not something she has done before) and asked when she did it and whether it meant anything. Tuesday and Yes.
I did get some hugs last night but there is a qualitative difference, its like hugging a stranger, I don't know how to explain it.
I'm really trying to keep up the getting out of her way, and not doing anything to be percieved as trying to stop her. I'm pretty much paralyzed with a sense of not being able to do anything right now. If I were stronger, I think I should have just cooly listened to her pronouncements (believe me I tried) but I just haven't achieved that for myself yet.
I honestly want to believe I would still keep up the positive friendly non-confrontational attitude if I knew that there was no hope at all, but it almost feels as if I am just making this easier for her by hiding my hurt.
I finally broke down and told my department chair what is up today with the goal of getting a delay in my upcoming tenure review. While sympathetic, he thought that it may hurt me more to try to put things off.
