Wife just initiated R talk with the premise that she needs a timetable for getting out of the marriage. It is just taking too much of a toll on her and she can't take it anymore. We havent really talked R in almost a week and I've been doing really, really good LRT.
This is killing me, I almost got sucked into defending myself (well I did a little) but definitely finished off on "Just tell me what you want/need in terms of separation and I'll try to make it happen." She's really torn up inside, but it mostly takes the form of being dissapointed that she can't do this anymore to herself.
I think I got saved by the kids' bedtime needs, but it really stung for her to so clearly articulate the need to leave when I had been doing such a bang up job of being non-reactive for the last 4 days. I tried to agree and take the blame for the end of the R, but the temptation to analyse was huge.
Is she testing me? Whats the right answer? She wants to know stuff like when we should tell the kids, should we sell the house right away, how often do I want to see them. I tried to just listen, but got very caught up in trying to agree and validate while explicitly saying that she was in control.
This blows, it's like there is no right answer, either I agree with her and help her plan for my departure. Or I go passive and just sigh alot. Or I risk falling back into old stuff by trying to show her that we can give it another shot.
Its funny, I've been doing such a good job of detaching, I wonder if she is calling my bluff.
