Thanks for stopping by. I've been there with the dropped posts. Very frustrating.
Re: my wife giving it a try. Yes, she feels now that she's given it a try for 8 months (even when we were actively separating or in a "cool off" mode) and the last 3 months I think she felt she was giving it her absolute best. She definitely believes that I could not and would not make the changes that she needed, and I agree with her on the fact that I never really healed about the OM and still felt like I was the martyr. Whats funny, is that I was always looking to her for the solution, I gave her the responsibility of making things right for me, and made her feel like she owed me for making the changes that I had.
All I can do right now is hang in there. I'll think about your lists, but frankly I'm so swamped with work stuff I really should just hanker down and get stuff done. I'm trying hard not to withdraw just yet. She and I moved to a strange city 4 years ago for my job, and frankly, neither of us has developed much of a support system outside of our marriage. She has many more social friends than I, but neither of us has a cry on the shoulder type of friend here, and I don't want her to feel totally alone right now. Even if its awkward between us, I think we both appreciate a "How was your day?". Plus, I think she expects me to become vindictive, so being friendly and upbeat keeps her guessing.
Good for you Nickel to take charge and do something you've always wanted to do, you deserve it. I will think about that list, but I'm not sure I'm there yet in terms of allowing myself to be selfish.
I don't know if I am trying to control the situation again, but I do feel tremendous sympathy for my wife right now. She really feels like she NEEDS to do this, no matter what the consequences are. Maybe I'm stupid for not wanting to make it hard on her, but it just seems easier to give in than to stick it to her right now. She knows I am not going to roll-over (that's part of what she dislikes about me right now) it's just not in my personality. Still. I'd love to find a way to distract myself while trying to be her friend and co-parent.
