Wife chose to sleep in the guest room last night, didn't move her stuff yet, but am expecting that next.
I have been scary nice since we've been back from our trip, going out of my way to not engage in the push pull that would have characterized her distancing before. I'm actually trying to see her sleeping in the quest roon as a positive step as it gives me a chance to be nonreactive.
She really does seem like she is in pain, my previous attempts at reasoning with her or making her feel bad really did fuel her need to leave. Right now, I think she is bearing that burden alone, and it seems to sadden/anger/humiliate her. I think she'd be more comfortable if I were pressuring her right now, because she's not sure if I am really o.k. with things or just faking it to get her back. In our old dynamic, she'd have know exactly where I stood.
I am trying to be supportive without pressuring, just being nice, checking in like I would have in the past, acting like a friendly roomate at home, and making sure that I don't do anything consciously or unconsciously to make her feel bad for deciding to end the marriage.
This is really tough however, and I think both of us could really use a hug but won't initiate. I won't, because I need her to be in the drivers seat. She won't because she doesn't want to send mixed signals and doesn't want to get sucked back into the relationship. The tension is just so palpable however, as we very consciously get out of each others way both physically and emotionally.
I'm just trying to stay helpful and friendly, especially when it involves her distance, pretty much the opposite of what she expects.
It's just plain hard, and questions like, "How'd you sleep?" take on such meaning in this context. I'm really trying to take a long term perspective on this and to brace myself for what is to come. I miss her terribly and it hurts sometimes just to look at her.
