Hey there...NICE list! Now, look at it EVERY day. I do the same thing, write a wonderful list, feel the high, and then forget everything the next day. Just recently, I've gotten into the habit to read through journals, goals, to see if I'm on track and remind myself of the enthusiasm and goals I wanted.
So, what concrete things will you do to achieve these? Baby steps? Like, eating healthy and exercising. Tackling the work project? Take this as an opportunity...you REALLY need all your focus now for your career...it's important and you worked so hard for this. You can't drop it...so, this is also a chance for you to focus on a part in your life where you can come out a raging success and use it as a HUGE esteem builder in all of this!
As far as treating her....sounds like she really thinks she needs her space and time from you. You have to honor her requests, I think. It shows respect, and it could be the TIME & SPACE from you she needs. Throw yourself into work. Keep in contact with her, as much as she will tolerate, and keep it friendly, share with her what you're doing at work. When she asks if you need help, is she just being polite, or does she mean it? I think a better reaction would be, share your projects, your enthusiasm for it, your drive to succeed in the project. This projects confidence and really IS confidence for you. If she asks if you need help...kindly tell her not at the moment, but you will ask if you do. THEN, take it as an opportunity to THANK her for being the person she was...VERY giving to being there for you and the kids...tell her you saw that, thank her for it, it meant a lot and got you to where you are now. Tell her you wish you could repay that help and support, and are happy now that she's taking time out for HER. Seeing her happy is most important to you, regardless of how the M turns out...she is still your friend. Tell her this--it's sincere and I think will mean a lot to her. Say it WITHOUT strings, expectation. Just sharing a thought to a friend. In fact, change the subject if you like right after.
You know, sometimes, the harder we TRY in the M, the more destructive it can be. The other person does not want you to be desperate. They want you to be calm, rational, to think for yourself and the M, to be willing to take a step back. To take time and make sincere and consistent efforts without pressure. When you TRY in the M and the other person is not ready, it's just pressure "Look, I'm trying to hard, please come back..." I'm not sure she's ready for you to need her quite yet...just share with her, be strong and confident, and really get away from your old needs of her. If she really thinks that she was not taking care of her and taking care of you and kids too much, then the best thing you can do is approach this work project by yourself and succeed. If she listens, always thank her for her support and tell her it means a lot, but don't burden her....
More later...you're doing great through this....so don't be hard on yourself. Just keeo the faith that if you give her time and space, and love her sincerely, things will change for the better, whatever the oucome. Hang in there....we;re here for you!
