I think I am lucky to have so much support on this board.
I think I've done the best I could with what I had at the time and that I can always do better.
I think I'm going to stop seeing all of the things I've learned here as tips, strategies, or tools, and instead see them as ways to make me a better person.
I think I'm going to do everything in my power to stay connected with my kids, even though I see my loss so clearly in their faces.
I think I'm going to do whatever I can to get back in the swing of things at work.
I think I'm going to try to take care of myself physically by eating right and exercising.
I think I am going to understand that the way my wife sees and treats me does not represent who I really am, but I am going to try to be sympathetic to the pain she feels. I will endavor to not do things confirm her worst feelings about me.
I think I'm going to stop catastrophizing and recognize that even if I "lost" everything, I'd still have me, and that's always been good enough.
I think I am going to work towards sincere acceptance. I don't like this, but the more I try to control it, the worse I ultimately feel.
Regarding the friend/wife distinction. I think I try to have very few expectations of friends, whereas I have always relied on my wife for countless things. I actually think this is a big part of her identity actually, being there for me and the kids. I suspect that this is her battle right now, sticking up for what she believes is best for her and fighting the sense that she is letting other people down.
I know that friendship is what brought us back together the first time and I want to find a way to nurture this without pursuing. For instance, I have an extremely large project due for work in about a month, my pre-tenure review actually, and this is the kind of thing that she would have loved to help me with. Now, I'm not sure if this transcends what I would expect of a friend and am not sure if I am just looking for a way to spend time together that is not in the dirct service of the R.
She's definitely in the polite, "Is there anything I can do to help?" mode right now, but I'm not sure if I should take her up on this. She could almost certainly be helpful, but am I crapping where I eat in trying to enlist her help with work stuff. Again, were we not headed towards separation, this is definitely the kind of thing she'd want to help me with.
Also, Didn't mean to say I was only looking for Nickel's input, rather I was curious what is up with her. She seemed to have a breakthrough last week after a rough patch. No news is good news, right?
