I realized this thread just appeared out of nowhere so I thought I'd give some brief background.
Me 36 Wife 35 married 11 years. Son 8 Daughter 4.
Went through the WAW thing pretty clumsily from June thru Sept. when I found the book/board. Bomb was precipitated by visit with old h.s. friend who made her realize everything missing in our marriage. Kept up a pretty intense emotional relationship with this guy by e-mail and it was/has been the trigger for most of my non DB-like behavior. Wife was within days of visiting a lawyer when she backed off in late October, decided she loved me and wanted things to work out.
Thought I was doing great with some minor slip-ups untill last week when I noticed her distancing, got suspicious and snooped and found a series of innoncent, but painful for me, e-mails surrounding valentines day. When I brought it up, we quickly fell into our old dynamic and she quickly decided that she wanted a separation/divorce again.
We're on what was to be a nice getaway from the kids visiting some old friends right now and it really sucks to have to put on a good face when we are out and about. At the same time, it does give me an opportunity to DB and act happy etc.
My most recent set back is her announcement to her old friends that we're splitting up which really seemed to hit home for me. After a fit of crying (me) in the hotel, and lot's of very counterproductive talking, we went out and had fun with the group but I opted to return early by myself and to give her space.
She is absolutely determined not to change her mind this time around. She even said, "I'm not going to get reeled back in by you again". You know, when I am really wise, I can get outside of this and see her struggle and the need for me to get out of her way, but when we're together its like I can't help but want to say or do something that stiffens her resolve.
We're in that terrible place where she is able to be really friendly (asking if we could exercise together, attentive to where I sit at dinner) because she is so at peace with her decision. I never understood this during our first go-round. I just can't figure out how you divorce someone you are getting along with so well. I think it just makes her feel less guilty if we're all friendly about this, I don't know.
Sound like a great opportunity to LRT and take care of myself. Still, when I'm alone I feel horrible, and when I'm with her I get all needy.
