Turns out, from W's perspective, I had been slowly slipping back into my old ways for sometime and my ranting about the e-mails just confirmed for her that I haven't really internalized my changes and she just can't do this anymore.
We're on this trip together and it has been excrutiating to just try to be friends while I'm slowly dying inside. She's definitely back on the D-train and sees this as the only way to stick up for herself.
She read some stuff from her journal to me and I was bowled over with the extent to which she has been repeatedly dissappointed. She really feels she has been telling me this all along the way but, I think I was simply saw her comments (e.g. "I really need your help in resolving X sitation with the son") as separate isolated things that did not affect the M so directly.
How could I be so dense as to not pick up on this stuff? She really thinks I should have picked up on this stuff along the way, that it is not her job to hit me over the head with stuff, and that this just confirms hers need to end the marriage.
Yuck!
I know I just need to own up to my own stuff and move-on but its pretty hard to do in a fancy hotel room. Part of me is just pissed, part of me is worried about the future and this kids, part of me wants to make this better, and part of me is trying to follow my own advice and move on.
I really do love my W, but this WAW stuff is a sickness. I don't know where the self-destructive quality comes from, but for the life of me I cannot figure why someone would feel like they need to tear their life apart in order to make it better.
I can't seem to post to Rich's thread anymore, I'm not sure what is up with that but boy do I feel his pain.
