Part Deux:
Quote:

Why am I so caught up in wanting more? What have I been doing that keeps her guard up with respect to this?...Still, I really want imput on how to reconcile my need for some kind of resolution with respect to the OM, with my very sincere acknowlegement that my methods for achieving this, short of stuffing it down inside, have really tanked. I also sense that she is willing to throw in the towel over this issue, whenever I go there, I can almost hear a door slamming shut.

John_p, I think we all get caught up in the wanting more. You think maybe we could try and look at this from a different seat on the bus? I say, get up and move two rows back and two seats over and get a different view of the situation. Let's look at it from all sides.

1. you know she had an EA
2. she's apologized for IT hurting you, but not doing IT.
3. you know that she didn't do anything purposefully to hurt you.
4. you know that she was in a lot of pain
5. you know that everyone deals with pain and sadness differently
6. just because she didn't handle it your way doesn't make it wrong
7. the way she handled it disappoints you
8. you know you've disapponted her plenty
9. you hope she'll be able to forgive you for disappointing her
10. you need to forgive her for disapponting you
11. you don't need her to admit she was wrong..you don't even need her to believe it
12. her having an EA could be considered no worse than what she feels you did to her.

John_p, I'll tell you something that I told Betsey a long time ago and I to this day feel it rings true.

"My XH may not have cheated on me (EA or PA), for some reason I feel like he did. The sheer fact that he witheld his emotions and intimacy from me made me feel betrayed in that same way."

So keep this in mind...exactly how you feel about the EA, she could very well be feeling the same about you. The only difference here and I would have you take a good hard look at this, is that her EA could become a PA and I'd venture to guess that's your fear??

O and O

Nickel "The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."