Sorry for your ongoing troubles, but really, and I think you know this, you cannot own 100% of this problem.
But, you can officially stop disregarding what I say because I may have flushed my own marriage down the toliet in the past two days.
Things were a bit tense as we were all sick and in a moment of weakness I snooped and discovered that she was e-mailing the a former EA again pretty heavily, innocent stuff, but it still stung especially on Valentines Day and in light of our current tension.
So, in a fit of pure insanity I decided to tell her, as we were going to bed, that I snooped and was hurt by what I saw. Well, she went stone dead ice on me. No emotion, just that she was dissapointed that I chose to invade her privacy. I feel pretty quickly back into old ways, and ultimately pretty much begged her to even feel sorry for me that I was hurt. No dice. I did apologize for getting emotional and just sent her an e-mail outlining what I think I've learned from the incident but making sure that she knows that if we are going to work this out it will be on her terms and timetable and that I can only try to better control myself.
Nickel, Betsey, What am I still misssing? Do I simply have to accept that she will always need another guy in the wings. I think the most painful part of her messages was the resounding abscence of anything to do with me. She'd talk about going to the movies with the kids but not mention that I was there, she'd talk about herself and my son being sick, when I was laid out flat myself. She even did a stream of consciousness narrative of one of her days and even the dog got mentioned but not me. Why am I so worried that she wants me completely abscent and unaware of her relationship with him?
I thought that all of our progress might allow me to bring this up and get some reassurances or something (she has mentioned that she now recognizes that their past interactions were destructive to our relationship) but I fear that I've just put her back on the defensive and she's fortifying the walls again.
I tried to just process this on my own, but I could barely look her in the eye. How do I get away from my hurt without simply pushing her away?
The rollercoaster is back in service!
Nickel
"The walls we build around us to keep sadness out also keeps out the joy."
