Where to go and what to do?

[Fighting4Wife]

Thanks to all of you for your kind words and support.

Journaling a bit....

W got back from services yesterday and we chatted on the phone for awhile. There is a noticible difference in her demeanor and candor on the phone. Not over analyzing it, but I believe the issues of thepast days with so much death in our lives may have shook her a bit. She is just chatty with me, not to complain, just refreshing we are having this type of interaction.

She calle d work to remind me that I had to pick up kids, she had a meeting (not on my calendar ) and she asked if that was a problem. I replied no, I ca modify my workout to be just a 45 minute run today, more chit chat and I sai I love talking with you but I do need to get back to work. She callled back 30 minutes later that she arranged for sitter to take S9 to guitar and I could have an extended workout. I thanked her and said, I really just want to run so I will be home shortly after S9 arrives back.

The rest of the night I was constantly occupying myself. Dinner, baths, laundry, cleaning. When she arrived I treated it as nothing special. Mind you I have only seen my wife 1 day in the past 6 days. This is a 180 for me, sually I am like a puppy when owner comes home .

She sits down with S9 to have dinenr, she had to get him form a friends, and asks if it is alright if she does so, My reply? "W you need to eat, go eat." I said it lovingly.

The rest of the night she is trying to clean also and we keep crossing each others paths. She looks for a response from me, what response I do not know, but I smile and keep busy. Later I am folding the laundry I started, she looks at me and says "You could have left it in the dryer" I replied "yup, I could have but I just decided to fold it" She mumbles "Of course you did" Now I catch myself but I did shoot her a look and said "What is the issue on this?" She said "nothing" I let it drop.

Evening went on with normalacy, little family conflicts with kids and such, nothing out of the ordinary.

Thing that suprised me is when she was ready for bed and kids all down she came out for our nightly GN kiss, it was more with feeling and actually got a hug and a second kiss and a hand squeeze. Cuddling during night and in morning.

Why? I do not care. I do know that I have made a committment to myself to detach and detach I have. I also have made the committment to not approach her for more than a kiss or hug, I will not initiate anything beyond that. I am doing so for myself, not punitive, I feel I need to eliminate rejection and that drama. So far so good going on 7 days. A lot of cold showers and long runs, but I really feel I need to esatblish a comfort level for operation for myself. We will see how this goes.

I am going to go on a limb here, it has been 7 days since we ML. Now if past practice holds treue, she should approach me tonight and make the "we need to do this for you" speech. I am not sure how I am going to approach it. I think the safe course is to oblige without any comment, in fact act as if and make it a happy experience. Who would of thunk I would be so troubled about my W approaching me for that?????!!!!!

F4W