Sorry, I've been gone, and missed the whole V-Day story until now. Sorry I wasn't there to weigh in at the time. I've spent tonight catching up.
I've watched your story for a year now, and the overwhelming impression I have is that you and your wife are "out of phase". Meaning that you oscillate between laying back and letting things happen, to applying pressure, insisting on answers and resolution, saying that enough is enough. Meanwhile your W starts being comfortable and complacent with the "laid back" you, and flips over to the "We need to divorce" line when you flip over to pressure mode.
I think you need to settle in and be consistent for the long haul. Pick wherever you want to be on the emotional / pressure spectrum and stay there. If she says "what do I do with the resume", say whatever ("hire me"), but maybe lay off the provoking responses. Each time you flip over in your approach, she flips back to "I'm not doing it right" mode and you're back where you started. Your 180 might be staying consistent, not provoking, letting it ride, not taking the bait, taking the long view, etc. etc., etc.
