I think you are right. At this point, it is not an affair. We are with each other too much..work together..et al. I also know his demeanor well enough to know that...now.
We were in such a deep dark pit that getting out of it takes time. There is a lot of trust that has to be rebuilt on both of our parts.
Actually our relationship has gotten better, progressively. I think I just want it to go into "warp speed"...and the engines are still being worked on! I guess I thought things were ready to "power up"...but..not.
What I did learn from my experience last week...was that I will not just "try" something again. We'll have to talk first...beforehand..sometime. He probably didn't know if I wanted to go somewhere with the kissing..I didn't either...it actually depended on what he felt..which I guess was nothing. I'm sure I took him by surprise and he just didn't know how to handle it (which was pretty much what he said about it). I choose to believe that.
I got my head on straight today. I'm not going to keep on taking it personally...even though I could...I'm going to get back up in the saddle and keep doing what I was doing before this MINOR (I CHOOSE to see it as such) setback. NOT BECAUSE I FEEL like it..but because keeping on wallowing in this is a cheeseless tunnel.
I like what I saw somebody wrote at the bottom of their posts...something like "Just because they don't express love in a way that makes you feel loved....doesn't mean they don't love you."
I'm going to work out this evening....just because it is what my heart wants to do...not because I have the promise of a knight in shining armor...which was always my motivation years ago!
Waiting to see if it will last? Maybe...love never gives up. I'll just have to keep doing what I am doing because it is right....whether or not he ever responds back or not.
In my husbands defense: He is much kinder to me, and a biggie...HE is not holding grudges against me for little things..he is not withdrawing and clamming up and not talking..he is being more upbeat!!!! All those things alone are wonderful...and if we never had sex again he is a good man and worth staying married to.
