Thanks for your response. It appears that there is not so much to disagree with here as it may have seemed. A couple of thoughts...
(1) I am puzzled by your problem with feminism. On my view it is part of the remedy to the problem, not its cause, as it encourages women to be independent and authentic, thus moving them out of a role in which they are expected to sacrifice their identities for an R, and toward R's that avoid unhealthy enmeshment. Insofar as it generates a problem, it creates a new social situation that we need to learn how to handle. Just like doing away with slavery creates a need for plantation owners to learn how to be as successful without exploiting others.
(2) Re children. I would think raising happy healthy children who are independent and confident would make moving toward a healthy partnership rather than a sick enmeshment even more important. Of course, I can see how it would also make it scarier -- it is emotionally risky and children make the stakes even higher. But, that doesn't make it any better for children who are living with parents who have a disfunctional marriage in which both partners are emotionally handicapped and without a clear sense of self.
