I would not say that you bother me at all. I propose a point, you evaluate it and either accept or reject it, and propose a counter argument. I like that. I do not think this is what MrsNOP was doing. She was taking the word “diminish” and completely twisting it around from my original post to find how I felt diminished by her dismissal of my thoughts.
I repeatedly told her that I did not believe my thoughts applied to all situations, especially not hers. Furthermore, this has very little to do with the main theme of the discussion. She just wants to find a crack and keep picking at it to see if she can get overall case to fall.
I never said the case is watertight, and still do not believe so. Schlessinger’s book is simplistic, but not irrelevant. Isn’t that enough? Other than trying to assert herseld, exactly what is her point?
And I’ve not found her to be so lovely at all. I’ve seen several other exchanges just like this in the past with other posters. As I recall, all were over minor points irrelevant to the discussion other than to harass and exert some impression of authority.
Quote: I thought you meant that you have set boundaries of withholding sex as a means to make yourself feel better.
Wow, I don't even know how to reply to this!
Nope, if you read my thread you will know that withholding sexually has never been of interest to me. In fact, I have often lamented that I have no "leverage" where MrH is concerned because I do not possess anything that he craves, with the exception of my good mood. He craves my good mood like other men crave women. You could say he's GoodMoodWhipped.
You did know that I was HD, right? I can't imagine that you thought an HDW would withhold for ANY reason!
You did know that I was HD, right? I can't imagine that you thought an HDW would withhold for ANY reason! discussion other than to harass and exert some impression of authority.
Yes I do know you are HD. But I also know that when a woman gets mad, no matter how HD she is, she will still cut off a man. That is what I was thinking.
I am taking a rest from the website, but I did see this post..... ("Yes I do know you are HD. But I also know that when a woman gets mad, no matter how HD she is, she will still cut off a man. That is what I was thinking.")
An HD woman....at least no HD women that I know of, withhold sex as a weapon. In fact, none that I'm aware of withhold sex. I'm speaking for myself, Honeypot....and my HD female friends when I say this too. So you don't know that an HD woman withholds sex. She may cut off a man in other ways...emotionally, talking whatever. But I have yet to meet an HD female that will use sex to cut off a man. But that's me. If sex falls by the wayside when and HD female is angry, it's due to emotions...not using "sex" as a weapon, I know very few women who are going to want to be "intimate" when extremely angry. Just thought you might like to know that. You might want to take a closer look at your view on that one.
Ahh, but HP, you do have something to withhold. Remember how uncomfortable he was when you didn't have the house clean for him at the end of the day when he go home?
I have no desire to enter into this fray. I am with HP on this one. I, too, adhere to the Dr. Laura style of relating to my mate. What that gets me is a guy who thinks everything is pretty good - even when it is bad or marginal. The day I withold sex the minions in hell would be ice skating. How would the mate of an HD know this - through experience, through trust, through intimate knowlege of his mate.
My only advice to you is to consider the fact that several people on this thread held a similar view that you are angry toward women in general, too general in many areas, sometimes antagonistic on this thread. When several people tell you the same/similar things just think carefully about whether or not they could be right and whether or not those things could be hurting your M.
If he asked her about it, she would probably tell him why she doesn't want to be intimate. Not asking to clarify and assuming she's just withholding sex would be the mans mistake....it's all about communication.
Cobra, There have been very few times when I cut off my mate and, even then, we're talking about passing on one night!
My H is quite aware that he is the one with the sexual leverage in this marriage. To his credit, he does not use that against me and never has. Sex is not a weapon I have in my arsenal, so to speak.
I have only turned him down for sex a handful of times so it wouldn't even occur to him that I would do so, even if I were mad. He will even wake me from a dead sleep (or try to!) to ML.
"cutting off" is just not a concept that applies to an HDW. It is as foreign to me as it is to you.
Interesting concept. Withholding sex to get what I want... tap, tap, tap.
There have been several times in my life that I did not want to have sex... but it was never because I don't enjoy sex... it was because, for whatever reason, I was not feeling an intimate connection with my H... but I have never withheld nor given sex to 'get what I want.'
Ewh. Yuck.
I will say that my own lack of knowing Who I Am and What I Wanted, being able to verbalize that without an expectation of some sort of desired action on his part attatched to it, and being comfortable in my own skin, fueled many, many, many a useless fights and unresolved issues.
**I** thought that communicating clearly meant that my H would understand my point of view, and he would hold it in some sort of regard. Not necessarily agree with it, but respect what I said enough to at least **try** or **be** or **do** whatever it was I saying.
I see you doing this now, Cobra.
I do not think that most women withhold sex as a power play. Some do, yes. So do some men. But for the most part, I think humans have a real hard time getting intimate when they are pissed off. That's just angry fcking.
Most people do not have a problem communicating. I can pretty much repeat back to you, Cobra, your beliefs. And I think you could probably repeat back to me what my opinions, on this particular topic, are.
That's communicating. And if you and I were both accurate in repeating back our respective opinions, that's called effective communicating.
I think where you tend to dip off the deep end is when YOU feel your opinion has not been given the respect YOU think it deserves... and if that opinion in any way influences the result/outcome of an issue... or solving a problem... you are always going to have a fight on your hands, because you attach expectations, desired outcomes/behaviors from others... to your opinions.
You didn't have to get into it with Mrs. Nop. You could have said... "I don't agree, thanks for your opinions," and moved on. YOU CHOSE to engage with her, to prove your point, and you were getting really, really, really pissed off when you felt you were not being heard.
So fcking what?! YOU created the problem here, not Mrs. NOP. She got you pissed off because you gave her that power. So what that she didn't agree with you? At any time, you could have very calmly said, "Mrs. Nop, I appreciate your comments, but I just don't want to get into it with you. We are opposite ends of the spectrum and I feel that to continue this conversation would only lead to hard feelings."
SHE didn't do that because by the very nature of this board, we are here seeking the opinions of others. She finally got so fed up with you that she left. And I daresay she won't waste her time with you again. You are too busy seeking approval of your opinions... ego-stroking... to hear anyone. That's why, I think, Blackfoot asked if you were CeMar.
That is why I think this book is so appealing to you... because you wouldn't care if your wife agreed with you or not if you were getting fed, sexed, and ego-stroked. She could yammar away at you incessantly all day long, and I bet you'd tune her out... if you were getting what you wanted.
But all that is is getting what you want. That is not respect. That is manipulation. That is not intimacy. That is not trust. That is not honesty. And you ain't gettin' it, 'cuz you ain't givin' it.
You want your wife to be happy so she will give you what you want. That's why I think this book is so appealing to you. Because it's all about getting what you want.
