I am only trying to point out that this particular sword has two sharp sides. I agree that women discount men's feelings. Is there any agreement that men also discount women's feelings?
I’ve never denied this.
*A woman expressing her feelings diminishes a man's feelings.*
When a woman puts a man off balance by exaggerating her hurt feels just to get him to dance a dance he is not naturally comfortable doing, then she draws his focus off his feelings and onto his. Does she MAKE him do this? No. Did I ever say she does? Is is possible for her to do so? NO, of course not.
BUT, many woman know this dynamic holds true and will use it to their advantage. For instance, HP said I found that setting a firm boundary re: sex took the sting out of any bad feelings I was having.
And can you really expect me to believe that this did not register with HP’s husband, that the next time something like this comes up he won’t be careful of what he does least he risk losing sex for some period of time. And can you really expect me to believe that this isn’t a form of control over a man, whether conscious or not?
If you don’t think this is so, then good for you. Is see it playing out too many times and I believe it is applicable to many, not all situations. That is my opinion. If you don’t agree, then say so and leave it at that.
My question has been and continues to be, how has my telling Cobra that I found his response offensive diminish his feelings?
When did I ever say your remark diminished my feelings? My comments have been in regard to Schlessinger’s book. Then you ask how that concept can diminish men’s feelings and now you twist it around to you personal comments diminishing me personally.
My original comment was
I do not usually sense this same obligation in women. Rather I feel women tend to diminish men’s feelings because they don’t think men don’t really know what they are feeling anyway, right? So not only do women ignore men’s feelings, but they convince themselves that men don’t feel and if they do feel, they are feeling the wrong thing and need to be taught otherwise. That “otherwise” becomes the woman’s perspective of emotional content. Men have their own perspective. That is all I am saying. And it doesn’t mean he loves you any less.
What is it in this statement you don’t understand? You want more examples? Go read the book. Its full of them.
But, he has not shown how my expression diminished his feelings.
I never said you diminished my feelings. This is something you want to start up.
I notice that you have a tendency to jump into thread like this and start nit picking points as if you need to lay down the final voice of authority. I can recall a couple of times you and Lil got into it over what seemed to be nothing, other than a test of wills.
I do not know what your point is here. The things you are arguing over have little to nothing to do with my main thesis. If you don’t agree with me then fine. Say so and go start your own thread. Your persistent picking is starting to feel a lot like harassment to me and I don’t like it one bit. You do not own this board. It is a public forum and I can state my thoughts as I wish. Start your own thread with your own points of view but quit harassing me.
One other thing, if you think it is in the best interest of this board to scare off anyone who disagrees with your view of relationships, then you’re nuts. The value of this forum is a diversity of opinion. Stop acting like a Nazi censor!!
