I think I do accept myself as a passive person, and have done so for most of my life. Furthermore, it is what I am comfortable with and what I want to continue being. But passive people must not be doormats and there is a natural tendency for aggressive personalities to take over. If this is something I agree to then I have no problem with it. And I think most passive people don’t worry about this either. But when it feels like it is forced, or there is a persistent push by the other person, then anyone, including a passive person will feel the need to set down boundaries.
I don’t fell that I am trying to blame anyone. What my look like blame in this thread is my belief the men have the natural tendency to fix and women can take advantage of that to control a relationship. Toward this, a man needs to understand that this is a form of manipulation and a man should not feel guilty if he cannot fix the wife’s feelings, that he should not even feel obligated to fix them, and there is nothing wrong in focusing on his own feelings (like NOPkins apparently does).
The issue for me is not so much who is passive or who is more aggressive, since I am quite comfortable in letting my wife take the lead in certain things, it is more a feeling of fairness and justice. If I think things are becoming unjust because W is setting rules or orders without my consideration, then I feel he injustice. If it is something I agree to and I feel no such injustice, I have no problem in letting W be the more aggressive in carrying out OUR decision.
I think you have to differentiate between these two issue in understanding me. They are very clear and distinct in my mind. Passivity is not a hot button with me. Injustice, lack of acknowledgement, ignoring my wishes, then watching W do what she wants anyway is what upsets me. I don’t think this is different from anyone else.
Don't you think that real true growth can only occur when both parties see their contributions clearly and are willing to work on it?
My point exactly. But to truly see the contributions of each and how they are working on it means one must first strip away any false rituals built up around self centeredness, for both parties.
You may reply that you have been working on just that, this whole time, but I disagree. You are pissed off and want to punish her for taking advantage of your passive nature, so now you are anything but passive. I can't imagine this feels at all authentic to you, does it?
I can understand that you interpret things this way, but I think this is another area in which women often misunderstand men.
