Cobra,
It seems to me that you have a problem with being a passive guy. What's wrong with just saying "This is who I am!" and making sure that you don't go overboard with being a doormat, and neither do you adopt a persona that is not authentic?

You seem to want to BLAME someone for the fact that you are more on the passive end of the spectrum (wife, mother) but, in reality, it has probably been with you from birth. It is your temperament, kwim? No doubt your mother and wife have contributed to you either going farther into doormat land or farther into Angry Man, but when it's all said and done, it's just who you are. Why fight that?

Why try to make it out as though all men are this way?

My H is like you, Cobra. He would not tell another man that he was offended by something they said. His brother would just look at the guy and punch his lights out. Does "passive" mean wimpy, girly? Absolutely NOT! My H is a very strong person, physically and emotionally, but he is not a dominant presence in a room full of people.

I have the more dominant personality in our marriage but I am *not* in charge. He still plays out his Man role without being mean, barking at me, picking fights. He used to do this and I did not respect him or even consider him my equal, if you want to know the truth.

I say this because it seems to me that you want someone to PAY for your temperament. You want your wife or mother to be blamed for the fact that you turned into a doormat. But don't you see that this works both ways?
They have temperaments that are dominant. This would include a tendency to venture into Overbearing territory. Should YOU pay because you encourage them to be overbearing because you are passive? No way!

You want them to be responsible for what "happened" to you but you don't want to be responsible for the part you play in the dynamic.

Don't you think that real true growth can only occur when both parties see their contributions clearly and are willing to work on it?

You may reply that you have been working on just that, this whole time, but I disagree. You are pissed off and want to punish her for taking advantage of your passive nature, so now you are anything but passive. I can't imagine this feels at all authentic to you, does it?