Quote: I without a doubt see many forms of 'fixing' as a form of controlling behavior. Not all, but many, yes.
I agree with this. I think there are at least two categories of fixers. Those that are inner-directed - "I will do this and that and the other thing and make the relationship better." And the outer directed. "You need to do this and that and the other and it will make you all better." Roughly, anyway.
I'm re-reading a book, I Know I'm in There Somewhere" and the author discusses Inner and Outer voices.
In regards to Internalized Outer Voices she writes, " ...those voices in your head that tell you you are seriously defective and desperately in need of improvement."
Outer voices become that litany of things that someone else is expecting of you, to the point that you may lose a sense of yourself as you tapdance to please others.
One section is titled "Returning to Yourself" and says:
"Whe you find yourself going over and over in your mind, "What does he feel? What is he thinking? you are indeed out on someone else. Your attention is outside of your body, no longer paying attention to what's true for you."
I think many of us have allowed our spouse's voices to become the authoritative voice in our head. Or worse, our interpretation of what we think their voice would be saying becomes our guiding light.
