I FINALLY did totally get it...from many discussions, arguments, emails, and then yes, Dr. Laura's book.
Women basically complain about everything! It is their stinkin' nature! Husbands feel like they have to jump through hoops to keep mama happy. Listen, I am about the most feelin' woman in the world!!!! I am Deanna Troy on Star Trek Next Generation...ha ha..the empath!!!! Anyone remember?
Anyway, I don't even think...this is just my rule of a number of months now...that a W should change what she is doing to get a change from her H. Change and do it...because it is the right thing to do.
Several months ago...I started consciously determining to find the good in everything. Talk about what is right about everything. I found that the good becomes more noticable.
I stopped thinking (it has been a progressive thing because I've had so much to unlearn) what I haven't liked about my H. I am not going to change him into Mr. Romance. I tried for 20+ years. I've decided to accept and appreciate! And most of the time I stay content and choose to be happy. (there are some days..though)
I'm just consciously not trying to make him deal with my emotions and make me feel how I want to feel or give him something to fix. Men have to do that all day long...then come home to it too?
My H has been happier....it took a number of weeks for him to start to respond to it. I basically sucked it up...quit crying so much and tried to think before I talked...am I complaining?
Changing yourself does bring a change to the R...not necessarily what I'd want...more romance etc....but I'm not going to complain about that either. It is better and that's what counts....I've got it great...I don't live in Iraq if nothing else...!!!!
I don't know about the HDW or how that would differ...but in some regards, from experience, changing ONLY for the purpose of your spouse treating you differently will backfire. I think you have to change because you want to be who you know you should be.
