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I was thinking about this topic last night...

The only question I have with Dr. Laura's book is this: She claims that if a wife will feed, sex, respect a husband he will suddenly want to move mountains and "Go slay the dragons" for his wife. She will see an immediate improvement in her man as she works to pay more attention to him.

But in my case, I am not getting the food, the sex, the respect, yet I still move mountains and slay the dragons, simply because I love my wife. I do not agree with everything my wife does and the way I am treated, but I still love the woman and work my butt off for her. If my wife suddenly started doing what Dr. Laura suggests, would I be happy? Heck Yeah! I'd love that! But what would I then start doing for her that I am not already doing now? I can't think of anything. I am already doing everything I can...

So does that mean I should start doing less for my wife so she will be encouraged to take up Dr. Laura's philosphy and pay more attention to me? I don't know...



HappyGiant,

I have noodled this as well. I'm not sure I have all of the exact answers, but I'm PRETTY sure that:

1) If you DON'T (stop going above-and-beyond like that), our wives WON'T change, because they really have no incentive to;

2) I think the key is to DO continue to do the things that represent your CORE VALUES (treat her with love and respect, be a good dad to your children, help with a BASIC fair distribution of household chores, etc.), but

3) DON'T over-reward behavior that is not meeting your needs, especially after you've stated them as being so important to you.

Now, where one DRAWS THOSE LINES AND ENFORCES THOSE BOUNDARIES, on a daily basis in their home and in their marital R, I've made a pretty good career of NOT knowing. But I do think therein lies The Answer.

Choc.