Quote: both of whom have personalities every bit as strong as you and HP, if not stronger.
Having a strong personality is not a crime. Nor is it an unfortunate result of feminism. Strong women have been around since the beginning of time.
I have the ability to use my strong personality to do harm or to inject vitality into the lives of those around me. I won't be so grandiose to say that I *exclusively* use it for good, but it is rare these days that I use it in a negative way.
Quote: Let me apologize for calling you a “spoiled princess” on the other thread.
Apology accepted.
Quote: I know you are upset, that you feel fully justified in how you feel, that I somehow attacked you and you are simply responding in kind. But the tone of your response is as strong as some of my responses.
See, I didn't think I was coming across hatefully. I was going for a "set the record straight" type tone and a "drawing a boundary at name calling" tone, but I was not going on the attack.
Quote: And like so many have stated on this board, if you react this in cyberspace, then you likely react like this in person.
Sometimes. More often, I'm calm and attempt to get to the bottom of things. I no longer have any interest in fighting, just for the fight's sake. If he's saying it because he wants a certain behavior to change, then even if he says it hatefully I'll usually listen. Now......if he called me a spoiled princess, which is so unrepresentative of my life, I would probably first bust out laughing (out of sheer surprise, not that sarcastic cutting laugh) and then incredulously ask him what he's basing that on.
Quote: I suspect he will think he has been doing everything he could to support he family and you showed no appreciation for his efforts by letting the house get messy.
This was at a time in which we were both working and I worked longer hours and made more money than he. I have admitted here, freely in fact, that I had a princess attitude when we met. HE installed this dynamic and then detested the very thing he insisted upon. He'd say, "I don't want you to wash dishes; I'll do them." I'd say Ok, and then the resentment began to build in him. You have to understand that my family is very direct--people do not say one thing and mean another. His tendency to do this, as a matter of course, totally took me off guard and it was years before I learned to read between the lines. When I quit my job, the balance of power was really thrown off--as it would be in any R--and he turned from nitpicking to downright cutting criticism. You have to understand that the level of perfection he wants in his home is unattainable. His father was the same way and he spent most of his childhood keeping everything perfect as a way to please his dad. "It was the only way to make him happy and keep him from criticizing me", he said.
Quote: my guess is he is VERY insecure and has VERY low self esteem
Probably true.
I can identify areas in his FOO where this originated from, but how does this knowledge help him change? Even if he could precisely pinpoint where it came from, in what way does it help him eliminate it? I think that Chrome's self esteem exercises, behavioral modification IOW, is going to be far more effective with esteem problems. I think it's useful to see where it came from, and how it developed, but how does it facilitate change?
Quote: The difference in what you expect to receive from him and what he intends to deliver is the source of your disappointment.
Not entirely. The source of my disappointment is his own promises that he makes and then does not keep.
Quote: He can change what he delivers and you can change what you expect.
