Cobra,

I have personally been doing much of what Dr. Laura said in her book. I agreed with the basic premise of her book even before I read it...however, she put into words and helped explain some things I didnt' see clearly.

Her straight talk has helped me change my thinking. One of the issues you mentioned in your last post was for a woman not to express every feeling. For me this has worked.
If my feelings were hurt, I'd express it to my husband. If I needed something, I'd express it to my husband. And I am very communicative and a "sensitive" woman (most are).

Anyway, I kind of decided I wanted to be a different type of senstive woman. The other wasn't working in marriage anyway!

I don't depend on my husband to meet my every emotional need. He cannot! He wants to and is unable to and therefore it can drive him nuts.

Now I don't have everything that I WANT as a result! But in this basically SELFISH society...our list (at least mine) would NEVER end!!!! But life is much, much better! And gradually continues to get better. Sometimes, 2 steps forward..1 back..nonetheless it is moving in the right direction.

Ok..to the point now.

I do think women should still initiate converstaion about the relationship...but it needs to be factual and not emotional. AND...when and how it is done must be thought through, rather than just brought up when you FEEL like it.

I have personally found that my willingness to change in this way has made me a stronger and better person in my job, my friends, and my sphere of influence. It has affected me in every area of my life.

Dr. Laura has said, and I agree with it...you look at your marriage and ask is he a good man, do I respect him, does he provide for my family, and etc...and that is why you treat the person with love...vs. in America basically we've been trained to #1 ask ourselves how does this person make ME FEEL..thus love. Hence, I don't think as many negative thoughts about my H becuase I am not being so picky and me oriented.

And if the person is a good person...they will respond in some manner to you...BUT...NOT NECESSARILY IN THE MANNER YOU WANT...because they are not you!

We are wrong when we want our H to make us or keep us happy...and women do it all the time. Strength is to be happy in yourself! Then whatever you H does is a gift!!! And not your entitlement. I could make a list of all the romantic things I wish my H would do for me...I could be a movie writer! But his character is far more lasting than the romance...and so he isn't...too bad..but rather than dwell on that and make my continual requests!!!...focus on the good, accept what cannot be changed and be thankful when something good happens. It makes for a happier atmostphere.

It has helped me to get more invovled in other things and helping other people rather than think all day long about what my H can do for me when he gets home.

My Responsibility is to think about him and do the right thing. What he does in his action toward me is his resonsibility and between him and God.

I've gone on and on trying to communicate and wonder if I have even come close to addressing what is being talked about.

Happy day....
Nicegal